How the hell does one just… not?

It’s only 6 pm, and for the past hour, I’ve been having a quiet anxiety attack. As one could imagine, this doesn’t make for the most productive ned to the day yet here we are. I’m not really sure it is an anxiety attack or a panic attack, but I can feel my heart racing and that sensation in my lungs and spine that puts me on the edge of fight or flight.

All over not drinking, and it’s only 6 pm.

How on earth does anyone do this?

I’ve promised myself I’ll get to seven. I’ve tried an alcohol-free gin, that didn’t work.

I am sitting motionless whilst my heart tries to claw its way out of my chest and my brain makes me feel like I’m full of spiders, running around inside my body.

How do you do this?

I am terrified of nothing, but I feel scared beyond measure, I could bolt for the hills at the slightest provocation, the spiders are drowning out the Toddler, I want this feeling to go away, and there is only one way I know how :(

I promised myself I’ll get to seven, then we shall just have to see.